Want to stop being angry all the time?
Do you have sudden anger for no reason?
When something upsets you, how do you handle it?
Damn! you throw things? Or punch walls or you yell and scream and say things that hurt people’s feelings and once you calm down you regret.
Anger doesn’t solve anything, it builds nothing, but it can destroy everything. For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness. So, it is always advisable to learn how to stop being angry all the time
The simple definition of anger is– Anger is the compelling feeling that arouses when somebody or something annoys you or when you believe that someone has behaved in an unfair,wrong or unacceptable way.
Sometimes if we can’t find another person to dump our anger on, we turn it on ourselves. The textbook definition of anger is depression,stress and frustration turned inward instead of being discharged outward.
Let’s talk about what anger is from a physiological perspective. Different parts of your brain do different things and so you’ve got this division of labor where a part of your brain is designated as, let’s just call it, the anger center.
To simplify it, it’s really a collection of structures in your brain, collectively known as the limbic system. Sometimes we refer to it as the fight-or-flight response which is naturally built into our brain and into our body to protect us from threat.
It’s actually an assortment of structures in your mind, by and large known as the limbic framework.
Now and then we allude to it as the fight or-flight reaction which is normally incorporated with our mind and into our body to shield us from risk.
Some of those threats are not real threats, they’re just perceived threats but it still triggers the same reaction in our brain which incidentally, is a chemical response that prepares our body to fight anger, it could be simplified as the fight version of the fight-or-flight response.
Does that make sense? So your brain is gearing you up to have a fight, there’s a lot of things that we can do psychologically to manage that fight-or-flight response and probably the main thing that we need to look at, is our perceptions.
As human beings,we experience a broad range of emotions, feelings, things that occasionally appear to be so naturally, simply hit us with no specific notice. I get the question all the time,“Why do I get so angry over little things?”
Anger is a secondary emotion. That’s something maybe you’ve heard before.
What does that mean?
If there are primary emotions and secondary emotions, secondary just means that it follows something else or that it comes as a replacement for something that might be more primary.
My experience with anger is that, a lot of times, we’ll experience sadness or frustration or disappointment, some kind of a sense of loss. These things often lead to anger which replaces that other emotion and gives us something that we can actually wrap our head around. Anger is such an active emotion.
What are you going to do with disappointment?See, that hits you internally. It’s not as obvious what to do with that or sadness or loss. Harder to know what to do with that because it’s not such an active emotion.
So one of the reasons that we substitute anger is, because it’s easier to come up with some plan and it’s usually just a reactive explosive kind of an acting out sort of a thing.
So I’m just trying to help establish why it’s a secondary emotion and how we use anger to cover up some of the more primary emotions.
Obviously, one of the things that we can do if we want to feel less anger or experience less consequences for our anger is to get focused on what those primary emotions are, get real about that.
It is very much important to identify the source of the anger, and this insight often will help us to reduce the amount of anger that we’re experiencing, but I have to give a little warning, It’s not fun to connect with those primary emotions, a lot of them are so difficult or painful.
So you might need a little help with this one and please hire a coach, see a therapist, do some personal insight work to get to the bottom of what are those primary emotions .
Sometimes you need to consult with someone who can help you to get a little different perspective or to look into what are those primary emotions and how to control anger?
There’s a lot of good self-help books out there and other things that you can do along those lines, but do whatever you can to connect with the primary emotions.
Learning art of anger management takes time. But, you can take small steps towards managing your anger.
You can also read: Quotes On Anger Management.
Important Tips To Stop Being Angry All The Time :
We’re going over nine effective tips on how to release your anger.
Identify What Upsets You :
Learn to identify what situations or circumstances end up setting you up what makes you mad. Because until you identify what situations really just take you to that anger level you’re never going to be able to control it.
Once you identify the situations or circumstances that make you super pissed or upset or lose control then you can try to not be or get yourself in those situations.
Identify The Anger Or Feeling As Soon As It Starts:
When we get upset it builds anger, it’s not something that just all of a sudden bang you’re in this emotion. So, it starts like a 1 and graduates, now it can gradually increase fast and escalate quickly but if you can identify that feeling that you get when you start to get intensely angry or upset, then you can deal with it.
If you can identify the feeling when it first starts you can do things to help you not escalate and really it’s this escalation that gets things just way out of hand and out of control.
Remember it’s ultimately about controlling your emotions, you can’t necessarily control how you react to certain things and the fact that things get you upset but you can control the escalation of that anger.
Practice Relaxation Techniques :
A way to manage that escalation is practicing relaxation techniques, whether or not that’s deep breathing or saying something to yourself like it’s okay, calm down, just think, hold on. It’s about allowing yourself a little bit of time before you just react.
Talk About Issues As They Arise:
How many of you would address and speak up about the issue at the initial phase? Actually you have to speak up, because it happens to me when something upsets me I might not address it right then but what I found is that if I don’t address it and I just sort of store it, put it in my pocket and a key ,it just like it’s in there and it starts nulling at me and then it’s still there.
Maybe something else happens and I stick it on top of it, bang you and explode, because you just can’t take it anymore.If you would simply have the conversation and address the issues as they arise it never gets to that escalation point .
Think Before You Speak:
This is something that is hard , because the issue is that once your words are out there in space you can’t take them back. And words a lot of times can hurt people much more deeply and intensely than physical violence like saying something horrible to somebody a lot of times is worse than getting punched in the face.
Whenever possible use humor to defuse intense situations. But you need to be careful because sarcasm a lot of times can make situations worse. If you’re in a heated situation like about to get upset and people are upset, and you start to throw in sarcasm then people can take it personally. But humor is a great way to defuse situations and bring down that intensity knotch.
Practicing Physical Exercise:
Exercise and physical exertion is amazing in terms of stress management. A lot of times if you find the stress building up and you don’t have a release well this is a lot of times when you tend to explode emotionally.
Take A Timeout:
We should take timeouts from things that are bothering us if there’s a situation or a person that’s upsetting us and that is causing us to get frustrated and angry we need a lot of times to take a timeout remove ourselves from that person., that situation, to give us some breathing room.
With this we get the ability then to see things more clearly and to rationalize with these people and situations.
Ask For Help:
Know when you need help and ask for it. There are anger management classes, therapists if you’re having a tough time handling and managing your anger or your emotions.
It might be time to go speak to somebody, a professional because a lot of times we don’t have the tools in order to help ourselves and talking to our people, our wives or girlfriends or boyfriends whatever about issues sometimes just doesn’t work out and you can’t get the constructive criticism feedback or tools that you’re going to need in order to manage your anger and emotions.
There’s nothing wrong, you should be not ashamed to have, no fear of going and asking for help if you need it. Getting upset happens but losing control doesn’t have to be. It happens to all of us but it’s not an excuse to hurt people physically or emotionally and you don’t deserve to be hurt either.
So if you’re currently in relationships or you are around people that have bad tempers who can’t control it well it might be time to reevaluate that relationship as well.
Anger at oneself is a destructive thing.When you are not able to control what’s happening,challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what’s happening and with this you are able to deal with all your questions, why do I get so angry so easily? Why am I always angry and irritated?
We all have inner demons to fight, we call these demons fear, hatred and anger. If you do not conquer them then a life of one hundred years is a tragedy. If you do, then a life of a single day can be a triumph.